That’s probably what the hooligan criminal felt when he stole my purse Friday night, only to find $10, a metro card, a 3-year-old flip-phone (old skool, y’all!), Park Avenue Peach lipstick, and 2 credit cards (which were cancelled within one hour of getting them). Hope your $75 of Yum’s was worth it, bitch. I wish you all the best of early-onset adult diabetes and heart palpitations from excess sodium.
“should i bring ice cream, or do you have some? also, where do you even live?!”—(i can’t decide what i love more: the assumption that there will obviously be ice cream involved tonight, or the fact that my own sister doesn’t know where i live)
“I enjoy being indoors. I enjoy laying on couches, snacking, and reading (watching TV). Summer sucks because it is the only season when, if I want to do this in the middle of a gorgeous day, people (my children) look at me like I’m a disgusting person. Well, guess what? It’s 90 degrees out there, it’s 68 degrees in here, and this episode of The Bachelorette isn’t going to watch itself.”— Adam Scott, on why he hates summer (via sinisterlava)
Map out “Ward 7 Bus Tour” route for bus driver. When googlemaps can’t find your Anacostia locations, select alternatives such as “Family Planning Centers” for the alumni of a Jesuit University to go on their sight-seeing tour.